


Five Things Methos Didn't Invent

by helens78



Category: Highlander: The Series
Genre: Humor, M/M, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-09-18
Updated: 2004-09-18
Packaged: 2017-10-05 11:42:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helens78/pseuds/helens78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Duncan challenges Methos to come up with five things he didn't invent.  Methos has to think about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Things Methos Didn't Invent

"Well, don't think _too_ hard about this..."

"I'm not," Methos protested. "Let me see. Well, I didn't invent bread..."

"Or wheat, I hope."

"No, definitely not wheat, although I do remember when people started growing it routinely. Mm. Starches and carbohydrates. You know, I'll be really happy when this Atkins nonsense wears off and we can all stop feeling guilty about our bread and beer. You know what works for dieting? Eat less. Exercise more. I was actually fat for three hundred years because--"

"Whatever. Bread. That's one."

"Bread, right." Methos grinned. "But _sliced_ bread..."

"Methos!"

"What?"

MacLeod sighed. "Nothing. Four more, old man."

"All right. I had absolutely _nothing_ to do with the invention of the cell phone."

"You _own_ a cell phone."

Methos grimaced. "They are convenient, yes. Particularly when one of your lovers has a bad habit of running around like he _wants_ his head cut off."

"I do not--!"

"You must be joking. You are a magnet for trouble. More than almost anyone I've ever known. It's a wonder I ever risk coming to see you."

"Five thousand years and you still think with your dick."

"There are _some_ constants." Methos was more cheerful at that thought. "There's something I didn't invent."

"Dicks?"

"Constants, MacLeod, constants. I didn't invent pi."

"No?"

"Or the Pythagorean theorem or practically anything having to do with math. Never been much good at numbers."

"Which is your excuse every time you forget my birthday."

"I don't even remember _my_ birthday!"

"Nobody knows your birthday! It's one of the great secrets of Methos the Immortal."

"Hey, it's not a secret on purpose. Do you know what it was like in the 1970s when people were asking _what's your sign?_ and I had to make something up?"

"I take it you didn't invent astrology, either."

"God forbid. By the way, you are much more Capricornian than Sagittarian."

"So you _do_ remember my birthday."

"I remember it _now_. Not making any promises about this December. Besides, I made up for the last one, didn't I?"

"I don't remember. What was it you did again?"

"That thing with the bananas and the--"

"You made up for it by swearing never to do anything like that again."

"Oh."

For a few seconds, Methos was actually quiet. MacLeod raised his eyebrows. "One more..."

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking." Methos looked up. "You really didn't like--"

"Methos!"

"All right." Methos stood up, slid his hands down his hips to his thighs as he stretched. And he gave MacLeod a look that MacLeod recognized immediately.

"You are not getting out of your last _something the legendary Methos didn't invent_ by bribing me with sex--"

"But that's _two_ things," Methos pointed out, already halfway to MacLeod. "Bribery. And sex."

"God," MacLeod groaned. "Do you ever stop?"

Methos closed the remaining distance and set his lips at MacLeod's ear. "Do you want me to?" he whispered.

"No."

"Then shut up and let me bribe you with sex."

_-end-_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm relatively new to HL fandom and I think I've written about as much as I've read here. But I'm enjoying the hell out of the universe, which is what's giving me the confidence to actually write instead of just thinking about it.
> 
> I love humor!fic. There really isn't enough good humor!fic out there, and the best humor!fic is both funny and somehow hot, and it's especially good if it's in character. I'm hoping this one reads in character -- both voices came fairly easily to me, and I hope it stays that way.
> 
> The big appealing thing to me about writing in the HL universe is simply the fact that the universe itself appeals to me. Love the idea of Immortals, love the idea of having the option to play in history but that it's not required, love the restrictions the Immortals have placed on themselves... hell, I even love Duncan. *facepalms*
> 
> Methos is a complete slut, by the way, in my head at least. I'm going to be equally happy with Methos/anybody. The real question is gonna be whether I can write fic with no Methos in it at all...
> 
> Incidentally, I've been making the boy watch HL with me. He and I agree that Duncan is Lawful Good, Kronos was Chaotic Evil, Death-Methos was Neutral Evil, and -- well, we're undecided on modern Methos; I'm saying he's True Neutral at the moment.
> 
> Methos reminds me a bit of Garak sometimes, without the spy aspect. Which just makes me think that a Methos spy novel would be fun to write...
> 
> In other news, I love that Methos says he didn't invent anything involving numbers in this one but that he says he invented the zero in [I Invented That](http://helensfic.net/highlander/drabbles.html#iinventedthat). He also says he wasn't responsible for astrology but he knows enough about it to declare that our cusp baby is more Capricornian than Sagittarian. (Any guesses on what Methos's sign is?)


End file.
